Cowboys vs. Titans Game Review

Another Thursday Night Showdown for the ages. Jeff Bezos and his legion of Amazons have managed to make Thursday Night Football a must-watch program every single week.

And then I woke up.

I love the Cowboys, but I knew we were doomed for disappointment as soon as I checked my fantasy app and saw CeedeeGOAT Lamb wasn’t playing on Sunday. I really don’t know what makes TNF suck so fucking hard, but it does no matter what. It certainly didn’t help that the Titans had no reason to show up, which is why Josh Dobbs got the start. I mostly feel bad for Al Michaels at this point. He has to sit in a booth with former Ohio State cheerleader Kirk Herbstreit for 4 hours every week. I’m pretty sure Kirk has no idea what’s going on most of the time. He’s really just there to point out the guys he remembers from college and be a familiar face to the audience.

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As for the game, it was muddied and gross in typical TNF fashion. Dallas was expected to dominate, and while they won fairly comfortably, it wasn’t as “pretty” as most people would have liked. But we don’t apologize for wins in the NFL. Shannon gave us a 0 on the impressive scale (Skip probably gave us a 10).

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The boys finished off the first half with 3 straight turnovers. One fumble and two picks. Every Dak Prescott interception is more ridiculous than the last. The first one hit Peyton Henderdrop right in the chest before he handed it off to Kevin Byard. The ensuing possession was another Dak missile, however this time it just went directly to Byard.

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There’s no point in even trying to explain/defend the interceptions at this point. It’s practically a guarantee that someone on our offense, whether it be Dak, WRs, or whoever, will literally just fall asleep for about 4 total plays. Every team turns the ball over, so this isn’t my biggest concern as long as Dak continues to be good the other 92% of the time. Right now, the biggest concern has to be the defense. Yet again, we refused to put a finger on the QB and get a sack. Are they protesting? Is every d-lineman hurt? What is going on? Who the fuck am I supposed to blame for this! I have been itching to point a finger for so long but it seems I don’t have enough fingers for that. The turnovers will really start to kill us if we continue to let offenses go up and down on us like some cheap hookers.

I hope we are able to finish the season off strong with a win over the Commies, but I think we need to start looking at alternative solutions for the playoffs. Satan (aka Aaron Rodgers) has now risen and is once again walking among us. I can feel it in my bones that we will somehow end up facing them in the playoffs. I don’t think my mind/body/spirit is capable of having another heartbreak to that asshole. I will drink an entire jar of Iowasca if we lose to them again. I’m not a drug guy, but being transported to a world where Aaron Rodgers doesn’t walk right up to me and personally take a giant piss on my life will be a lot better than this one. If it comes to Dallas vs. Green Bay, I suggest our defense take a page out of Rodger’s book and completely overload on cocaine before the game. The Drug Bowl. It sure would be a lot of fun to watch a bunch of coked-up Cowboys chase that little fairy around the field all day.

Other than that, all I can do is hope the Eagles and 49ers fall on their face and hand Dallas the 1 seed. All our potential playoff matches seem to be set up for us to fail, so unfortunately my happiness for the year seems to be careening for yet another early funeral. Maybe next year.

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