WARNING: This is a SPOILER Reivew. For the illiterate people that means DON’T READ if you HAVEN’T SEEN this movie.
It’s been like 13 years since the debut of the #1 highest-grossing movie of all time, Avatar. That movie was so fucking awesome back then, and it’s still fucking awesome today. I’ve been waiting for the sequel for a long time and held my breath waiting for James Cameron to raise the bar (again).
After watching the movie for the second time earlier this morning, I can confidently say Bar: raised. It’s James fucking Cameron, the guy refuses to miss. He also gets bonus points for all the “Fuck You’s” he’s delivered along the way. People have been bitching and moaning about the Avatar franchise and calling it overrated blah blah blah anyone who says that is a loser and a hater. That’s why it’s gonna close to the $2 billion mark. James Cameron owns you pussies.
Honestly, this movie didn’t even feel like a sequel. To me, it felt like an extension of the first one, and we simply got an extra 3-hour cut, but with even better special effects. I guess we’ll talk about that first: this movie has some of the best visuals you will ever see. It takes all the cool-ass stuff we saw on Pandora the first time around and just makes it even better. The colors, the CG, the shots, it’s all just so goddamn beautiful. After watching the recent garbage that Marvel has been shoving down my throat, it was nice to see something that took clearly took time and effort (things all movies should display) to look good. Most of the CGI and special effects nowadays (specifically Marvel you cheap fucks) looks like shit because it’s rushed and horribly shot in a big studio with 4 colored walls. That shit is wack. James Cameron walked into the studio and took a giant shit on all that and delivered one of the coolest movies you will ever see, with like 12 more on the way.
This movie is mostly about the new Sully Family. Jake Sully and Neytiri have a couple of kids and they’re all happy and shit until BAM: the Sky People come back. Didn’t see that coming. Fast-forward about 1 year and the Na’vi find themselves in another war with shithead humans. Eventually, Jake realizes his new fam might be in a little danger, so they pack up and head for the sea clans. This is where we get about 85% of the plot. Much like Jake learning about the forest in the first movie, the whole family is now learning “The Way of Water” and trying to adapt to their new environment. However this time around, the Sully kids and new comrades/bullies take up the majority of the plot. Jake is still very much around, but the focus has clearly shifted to his children as they drive most of the story. This can be pretty risky, but in my opinion, the kids had good personalities, were entertaining, and really didn’t annoy me. They act like dumbasses a lot but that’s what teenagers do and I guess Na’vi kids aren’t any more intelligent than human ones.
The main reason behind the Sully relocation was the new Avatar version of unlikeable asshole Miles Quaritch and his gang of gung-ho military ra ras. I’ve seen the memes of the blue military people and they’re pretty fucking funny, but I still think it works for the movie. But anyways, Quaritch is back and bluer than ever and here to murder Jake Sully and probably a few of his young children. While he’s still got the memories and personality of the OG Quaritch, to me it still felt like a slightly different character. A lot of his time is spent getting more familiar with Pandora and interacting with it in Na’vi form, which might’ve caused a few changes along the way. I smell a potential redemption arc going on here. He’s also tagging along with his son, Spider (lol), who was just a baby when human-Quaritch died. I fuck with Spider personally, but I have a feeling most people will probably hate him. He talks like a lot of humans do in real life, so he says a lot of stupid shit and calls everybody “bro.” He’s kind of like the reverse Jar Jar Binks since everyone else is digital and he’s the only real one. Go on though Spider, do the damn thing.
The change of scenery to the island clans and water terrain allowed Cameron to do some crazy shit. Anything that happened in the water was just mindblowing. I could be wrong, but I’ve heard that all the water in this movie was digital??? I don’t even know how that’s possible. Watching them ride their new water-dragon pets and swim around with weird-ass whales was a good time. No complaints.
For me, this movie even struck a few emotional chords. Eventually, one of the Sully boys croaks and it was a real bitch to watch. They sucked me in and god damnit I actually care about this alien family. It was also sick watching Jake and Neytiri just cut people down in rage after that. That’s another thing- the action in this movie really surprised me and is top-notch. The whole third act is basically a huge chaotic action sequence, with boats and whales and sea dragons and guns and bows and arrows. Bodies are flying all over the place and it’s just destruction and chaos every 5 seconds. James fucking Cameron baby.
I would compare this movie to a great blowjob: extremely satisfying. I had a grin on my face the whole time, and all I did was sit there. If every movie felt like this, I’d never leave the theater. Way to go James Cameron, you’ve tickled my nuts once again.
The Armchair Experts 
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