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Super Bowl Preview

Anyone with a brain knows that once football starts in the fall, Sunday becomes the de-facto best day of the week. Once that happens, we spend 20 weeks building up to the ultimate Sunday: The Super Bowl.

Sadly this year, like every year, my beloved Dallas Cowboys will not be playing in the Big Game. To make matters worse, my least favorite franchise had a cakewalk path and managed to slip in. Disgusting. I will be heavily rooting for Kansas City today, but have little faith due to Patrick Mahomes only having two good legs (the third one has a high ankle sprain). Jackson Mahomes is doing his best to make me despise the Chiefs, but no matter how many unbearably cringe Tik Tok dances he does, he still has not eliminated the Cowboys from playoff contention. He will have to settle for #2 on my Super Bowl enemies list this year.

If I was a betting man (which I am) I would be all over Chiefs ML today. Not many times are you gonna get Patrick Mahomes as a neutral site dog, and even fewer times will you get that against Jalen Hurts. Hurts is a Sooner so I’ll be gentle here: He’s honestly kind of dogshit. It’s so annoying to watch the media slurp his meat for “winning” games when he has barely done anything. He doesn’t even have 300 yards passing in the playoffs, played maybe the easiest playoff schedule ever, and has a top 2 roster in the whole league. That hasn’t stopped ESPN from trying to make him an MVP and leap him into the top 10 QB discussion. I refuse to believe Jalen Hurts is a top-10 NFL QB. I’ll give him credit, he’s very dangerous with his legs and when he plays within the Eagle’s power run scheme it is very dangerous. He takes care of the ball and does what he needs to but that’s the thing: he barely has to do anything. If anything, Hurts should be an example that you don’t need a HOF-level guy to win a Super Bowl. the Eagles unfortunately have a really good GM who elevated the roster around his QB and that’s why they’re playing today. Many idiots (my friends) seem to think QBs should carry a sub-par team to rings. I’d like to see the Eagles trade AJ Brown for a 5th-round pick, then re-examine how good Jalen Hurts looks.

On the other side, Patrick Mahomes has a chance to solidify himself as one of the top-5 QBs ever. He’s pretty much had a HOF career already and adding another MVP and Super Bowl to that this season would cement it. To my eyes, Pat is already the GOAT. I’ve never seen a QB as good as him, but he won’t be considered that unless he reaches Brady-level achievements. To be honest, that probably isn’t going to happen. Tom Brady made a deal with the Devil and traded his family for incredible playoff luck and 7 Super Bowls. To be honest, I think most of the world would like Pat Mahomes to do the same because his family fucking sucks. The Eagles are better at every position group except QB. Really hoping the gap between Mahomes and Hurts is enough to close the deal for my sanity.

I think this game is gonna come down to the Chiefs starting out hot. If the Chiefs get an early lead, I don’t see how they lose this game. I don’t think the Eagles power run offense will be able to mount a comeback. They do have a solid passing attack, but Hurts is a sus thrower and has a bum shoulder on top. Even if the Chiefs go down, we know Mahomes can do that wizard shit and throw a behind-the-back 60 yard TD or someting. As long as they don’t let the Eagles run-game suffocate them, the KC should be fine. This is also a weird micro-cosm of run-heavy vs. pass heavy. I’m all in on guns ablazing air raids so my football philosphy an IQ are on the line here. I do have get out of jail free cards though with the leg sitation and Eagles overwhelming roster advantage. Mickey-mouse ring for Philly, and historic glory for Mahomes.

Hopefully I don’t get a lot sleep tonight cuz I’m hearing the Eagles cry. #ChiefsKingdom.

Shoutout to elite grass.

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