Fuck I’m so late on this.
The day has finally come. Jake Paul has officially taken an L as a “professional” boxer. I’d say a good chunk of the world has been waiting on this one. This guy has proven over and over to be one of the most unlikeable people on planet Earth. I’d put him up there with Bin Laden and Hitler in terms of approval rating.
Today was both positive and negative for us haters. On one hand, Jake Paul “lost.” On the other hand, he didn’t get knocked the fuck out and embarrassed in front of the entire world. That’s what really would’ve hit the spot. In fact, he even knocked Tommy Fury down at one point, so honestly Tommy kind of looks like the bigger bitch here. Especially since he was celebrating like just beat cancer, not an ex-Disney Channel star.
There’s no denying at this point that Jake is no scrub. He finally fought a real boxer and technically he lost, but it was definitely close, and to my untrained eyes there wasn’t much difference between the two. There’s still a chance that Tommy Fury is the worst professional boxer of all time. I think his being handsome and Tyson Fury’s brother contributes a lot more to his fame than his boxing prowess. He’s got Big Brother and Love Island written all over him (turns out he actually WAS on Love Island, who knew).
Honestly, as a Jake Paul hater, I’m pretty disappointed in this result. I’d have rather he just kept winning until he finally fought someone who was WAY out of his league. That way we could’ve seen a real ass- kicking and the fight game could restore some of its dignity. I also didn’t mind the hilarious lineup of bums he’s been fighting. Each fight kept getting funnier than the last. To this day, the Nate Robinson knockout is one of the funniest fucking things I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Watching his lifeless body bounce up off the ring like that had me gasping for air like a fat bitch at KFC. Years of dunk contest glory were erased with one right hook. The Tyrone Woodley knockout didn’t disappoint either.
Unlike those, the Tommy Fury fight was actually fair and it was 10x less entertaining. I’m sure they’ll rematch or something and Jake can get his little revenge. Whatever. I’m not gonna give up hope that one day a big enough bag will be offered to Deontay Wilder or Canelo or someone. We just need somebody who can really bring the pain. Jake Paul leaving the ring without so much as a bruise doesn’t really move the needle. Perhaps I’ll have to be the one that steps up. I certainly wouldn’t mind training really hard, learning how to box, and getting shredded along the way to a couple of million bucks.
Come on Jake, read this blog and get so pissed off that you MUST fight me.
You have 48 hours to respond with a contract, or the deal is off.
The Armchair Experts 
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