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Chicago Bears FLEECE the Carolina Panthers

Big news taking over the NFL world today. The Chicago Bears did the unthinkable and actually traded away the #1 pick to the Carolina Panthers. Let’s break it down.

So basically we have two first-round picks (no. 9 this year and one next year) and two second-round picks, PLUS elite WR D.J. Moore. Mannnnn that is a fucking haul! I can’t believe Chicago actually did something smart. If they can land their draft picks, they might have a nice little squad for Justin Fields to let down. I only wish they hadn’t pissed away the first pick of the second round for Chase Claypool. If they still had that they’d be looking LOADED.

D.J. Moore is an absolute fucking beast, excellent job by the front office. The trio of Moore, Claypool (fuck Claypool), and Mooney is pretty damn solid. I’ll be very interested to see how the Bear’s offense splits all 10 of Justin Fields’ passes between them. I can’t imagine a better 3 guys I’d want blocking for my QB as he takes off down the field for a selfish 60-yard TD run.

As for what the Bears should do with all the extra picks? I have no fucking clue, I’m not a Bears fan. I haven’t paid near enough attention to their roster to give any type of advice on who to draft. Their good at WR so if their o-line sucks I’d suggest investing heavily into that. Even a RB like Fields can lead a solid passing game with a great o-line and great weapons. Boosting up the o-line and d-line would be my suggestion for pretty much every team. I think it’s pretty obvious at this point that building football teams inside-out is the way to go. If everyone just listened to me, the sport would improve tenfold. I’d happily accept a consulting job for $50,000 an hour.

Now it’s time to talk about the Panthers. My only question: what the fuck? Really seems like these guys just have no idea what’s going on. I guess if you get a franchise QB out of this, giving up all those assets is still worth it. But then I get this notification that the Panthers will consider trading back and evaluate all the guys? Holy shit man. That reminds me of when I’m playing Madden Franchise mode and think “It’d be fun to have the first pick this year.” How in the world can you make this trade not knowing who you’re going to take? I can’t even express how funny it’d be if they traded back for fewer assets than they gave up. Just cock teasing their entire fanbase, putting all their emotions in a blender, and smashing the highest power setting. An NFL GM being a troll is something I didn’t have on my 2023 bracket. Another hilarious outcome is them taking a non-QB with the first pick, or Anthony Richardson. The blowback (shoutout Kim Kardashian) would reach an all-time high.

Chaos is the NFLs (and my) best friend. It’s more addicting than crack (I’d imagine). I’m already bored of this trade and want more. If the NFL ever reached NBA trade deadline-levels of chaos, I’d never go to sleep. I’ll always be chasing the high I felt when I read that Schefter tweet. #notadrugguy

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