One of the best months of the year is officially in full go. March is easily a top 5 month, mostly because of its versatility. We’ve got the end of winter/start of spring, spring break, St. Patty’s Day, the color green, Alexandra Daddario’s birthday, and most importantly the NCAA March Madness tournament. God I love March.
Today was the first day of the Big Dance and it has not disappointed. We’ve already been blessed with a 2 seed losing (nice one Arizona) and a dramatic game-winning shot after a bone-headed play.
Let’s start with the game of the day: The Furman GOATS vs. the Virginia Vaginas. This was such a classic March Madness game. Classic college basketball where every shot is a prayer. The 4-seed Vaginas probably took Furman a little too likely and before they knew it they were stuck in a tight game with a minute left. Surely they wouldn’t fuck up right? Well of course they did! It’s like these guys can just smell it in the air. Something takes over their bodies and forces concoct the most dramatic plays/finishes imaginable. In this case, we had the “winningest player in ACC history” just chuck the ball to absolutely no one at half-court. He set up the game-winning shot perfectly for Furman. There was no doubt in my mind that the shot was going in, and when it did I yelped from my cubicle. It was exhilarating.
Later in the day, we had Arizona be the first top seed to just blow it. I’ve been on that side as a fan it’s such a shitty feeling. The rest of the tournament is barely even fun anymore, it’s so hard to rally back from a first-round choke. They lost to a bunch of Princeton nerds too, which makes it even more embarrassing. It was the classic tale of the dorks vs. the jocks and I guess the dorks take this round. It was rumored that Princeton’s team is throwing a massive celebration hosting a calculus study hall. A bunch of studs is about to get their little calculators wet for the first time. As a virgin myself, I’m thrilled for those guys. Congratulations boys, you earned this.
Right now I’m watching 4-seed Tennessee struggle in an early dogfight against the School of the Deaf. I just love watching the superior teams struggle and get frustrated. I’ll never understand why it happens but every year these teams just can’t help but collapse. It also looks like 1-seed Houston is in a close game early with the School of the Blind. I hope they blow it.
That caps off the highlights from Day 1. I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep tonight in anticipation for Day 2.
The Armchair Experts 
Leave a comment