Well, I’d like to say I’m returning to this segment in blazing glory, but unfortunately, that is not the case. I went 1/3 this Sunday thanks to a couple of pathetic showings from certain players on certain teams. I don’t want to name names, but everyone’s favorite player, ADisgrace, made a cameo appearance. Nevertheless, I am here to prove the haters wrong. Like Jay Z once said, whenever I hit the ground I bounce up like round ball.
Lakers -1.5 (-112) @ Bulls
- Ohh I can already hear the boo birds crying. I guess you guys didn’t know my middle name was consistency. The man with one brow (who must not be named) really fucked me over last time (no surprise there). HOWEVER, the key is having faith in one man: Patrick Beverly. He tried to “little guy” Lebron last game so you know that he’ll be EXTRA confident going into this one, and that is exactly where I like him. I’ll just have to hope and pray he doesn’t foul out and fuck over the Lakers’ chances before time expires.
Clippers +5 (-110) @ Memphis
- I know Playoff P was tragically injured last week, but that won’t deter me from sticking with the homer LA pick. Ja Morant is currently listed as out and the Grizz will be on the second night of a back2back. Kawhi has been out of his programming this whole month and I’m going to need him to carry the load in this one. As long as someone updates his AI so Kawhi avoids the strip club, I’ll be confident.
PHX -6 (-110) vs. Minnesota
- The return of Kevin Durant is finally upon us. I can’t beleive one of the games biggest superstars almost had his season ended by slipping on a banana peel. While objectively hilarious, we’re gonna need a banana-free arena tomorrow night if we’re going to win this one. Some KD always comes back from injury like nothing happened, so I’m not worried about him struggling to blend in. The T-Wolves are hot right now and are seeking their 4th W in a row- I’m confident Rudy Gobert will prevent that from happening. Karl Towns and the Ant-Man are also listed as ‘doubtful’ for tomorrow, so if that stands they are fucked. This will however fulfill KAT’s lifelong dream of being a cheerleader, and he can perform his feminine chants to his heart’s desire from the bench. Maybe he’ll even get a manicure at halftime.
This is a verrrry tantalizing Wednesday NBA slate. I know I let you guys down last time but I’m back now. It’s time for some Truzz. Eventually, I know this blog will get dangerously close to finance territory. I’m basically giving away free money, which should be illegal. Remember: it’s just as hard to go 0-3 than 3-0. Positive Vibes only, let’s ride.
The Armchair Experts 
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