Get ready boys, tomorrow is FINALLY FriYAY. Let me tell ya, it’s been a tough week. Being caught up in the American work machine has really got ya boy down. I’m hunched over, got carpel tunnel, and slowly losing my eyesight day by day. Nevertheless! I WILL deliver my perfect analysis on the current state of the NBA gambling market so that YOU, the reader, can grow your bankroll with my proven investment program backed by science. Let’s begin.
Lakers ML (-102) @ Minnesota:
- Anyone (is there anyone?) that’s been following my picks so far knew this one was coming. “We in Minnesota now.” Need I say more? Lebron is not going to lose THE must-win game to the Kitty-KAT. They just blew a game to the Suns on Wednesday (Suns -6 baby) and I have full faith they’ll do it again. The Lakers can FINALLY get over the .500 mark and they cannot blow it against the team right in front of them in the standings. I wish we were getting a *little* more than even odds, but fuck it. Even AD is talking shit this week. It’s time for some “get-back.”
PHI -6 vs. Toronto:
- It’s time for Philly to start their comeback tour. They lost a couple in a row while James Harden was out, then got a solid dub against the free-falling Mavs on National TV the other day. Remember my rule: National TV games count for 3 times as much as a regular win. I like that they’re at home, and I’m looking for Joel Embiid to sprint down the final stretch of this MVP race. I don’t love laying 6, but I’m confident the Sixers take care of business. I can’t have these fuckers blow my hot streak.
Anthony Davis O26.5 points (-104)
- I cannot fucking believe I am doing this. If there is anybody you should NOT rely on to cover your ass, it’s Anthony Davis. I’ve been picking on this guy since I started this blog because all he does is disappoint me. Whenever you need him most, he shoots the ball 7 times and scores 13 points. Well, that exact logic is why I’m zagging here. He’s been dominant during the month of March, and we’ll need him one more time. After this game, his nickname might be ADHD, because he can only lock in when it’s ABSOLUTELY dire. Technically, the Lakers have still had a small cushion when he’s blown it in the past. Not this time. Less than 10 games to go, and you can’t shit your pants against the guys one spot ahead. It’s now or never, and 26.5 points is well within his reach if he gives even basic effort tomorrow.
Jalen Green O23.5 points (-111)
- There’s two things Jalen Green does really well on a basketball court: he scores, and he… well nope actually that’s pretty much all he does. In home games Jalen is averaging exactly 23.8 ppg. Damn you Vegas. ONE TIME I’m just asking for a slight market inefficiency. Somehow your bullshit models have automatically computed that and it took my like 15 minuts of playing in excel. Regardless, this guy is gonna chuck a TON of shots against a really shitty team. I could see him crushing this easily.
The quest for 4-0 starts tomorrow. With every pick, I slowly trend towards becoming a financial advisor. Why invest in stocks and bonds and blah blah blah I’m already bored just typing those words. Invest in something cool like Jalen Green scoring a shit ton of points against the Pistons. At least you know he’s really trying to do that vs. a bullshit Wall St. investor taking your hard-earned dollars and sticking them in the thong of the nearest hooker. If someone’s gonna stick my money in a hooker’s thong, it’s gonna be Ja Morant.
Remember: it starts with beleiving (and a sportsbook).
The Armchair Experts 
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