It’s official, the boy is on a heater. Heaters don’t come around very often, so I’m going to milk the shit out of this while I have it. I don’t know if I have ever seen the board so clearly, it’s like I’m in the Matrix. I was a lazy piece of shit and didn’t write blogs for Monday and Tuesday’s picks, but you can rest assured that I went undefeated in the games I won. I’m looking down on NBA Wednesday like a toddler about to squeeze a frog.
Cavaliers -5.5 vs. Knicks
- This is the game I’m struggling with the most. I have a feeling that everyone and their mother is going to be all over the Knicks in this game. Cleveland has really fumbled a couple games, and people are going to start feeling something funny in their private parts when they see the +5.5. Well, I’m ignoring that feeling in my privates and I’m going to resist. I’ll take the Cavs in a bounce back game, but this series isn’t lookingood for them or my original pick.
Lakers +4 @ Memphis
- Yep, I couldn’t ignore that tingling in my weiner much longer. The Lakers are getting 4 in a closeout game? I will jump at that opportunity every day of the week and twice on Sunday. I am getting serious 2020 vibes from this Laker squad, and that year they beat every team in 5. I’m hoping we actually do live in the Matrix and history repeats itelf. 5-5-5, that’s what we need baby. Anthony Davis is however going to need to get his head out of his ass first.
Bucks -11.5 vs. Miami
- I’m not a porn star, but I’ll be swallowing a huge load with the 11.5 points tomorrow. I started shaking in my boots when I saw that line, but I steeled my nerves, stared it dead in the face and sent the bet through anyway. Playoff Jimothy has arrived, but he usually takes a dip after one of his huge playoff games. This game has been officially upgraded to “Must Win” for Miluakee. I’m pretty much expecting Miami to come out flat and get their backs blown out (lot of porn similarities here) in preparation for game 6.
Warriors -1.5 @ Sacramento
- It’s just so sad. The Warriors are the luckiest franchise in the history of the world. Much like Tom Brady, Steph Curry has a magic horseshoe shoved right up his ass. Every time these guys are on the ropes, the best players on the other team get wiped out of existence. Kyrie in 2015, Kawhi in 2017, Chris Paul in 2018, Ja Morant in 2022, and now DeAaron Fox in 2023. That’s literally all 4 of their fucking rings. It’s a miracle we still have Lebron after playing that devil-worshiping franchise so many times. Get well soon DeAaron, I already miss you.
Anthony Davis O23.5 Points
- The Anthony Davis humiliation fetish is back. He just HAS to have the entire world pissing on him in order to play well. He had a stellar 12 points on Monday and was once again bailed out by the GOAT. I’d be more confident if the Lakers lost that game, because he’d be taking the fall for the loss. That would REALLY get him aroused, and he’d come out tomorrow with 45 and 15. I hope he was just criticized enough to give a single fuck tomorrow and cash the 23.5 with ease.
The Armchair Experts 
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