The NFL Draft is one of the best times of the year. It’s like Christmas in April. It’s the few days of the year where every NFL franchise has hope, no matter how disastrous they have been for the last 20 years. Every fanbase is jerking off to the idea of finally landing that one guy that will turn their franchise around. Unfortunately for me, I stopped wackin it pretty early this year as the Cowboys draft quickly fell apart and soured my outlook for the upcoming season. Hopefully my blind faith takes over soon and I can get excited again.
Round 1: Mazi Smith
We’ll start with the big boy. I actually don’t hate or really even dislike this pick, but it’s not ideal. I was REALLY hoping for one of the WRs to fall to us (RIP Zay Flowers, my sweet prince), but they all got snatched starting with pick 20. With all them gone, I had my heart set on Dalton Kincaid, as I was hoping a dynamic receiving TE would elevate our passing offense, which is the most important aspect of the team. We fell apart last year when teams could just key on CeedeeGOAT and I was really hoping to avoid that again. We ended up settling for Mazi Smith, an athletic freak from Michigain with decent but not great production in college. The interior DL is probably the biggest weakness on our team, so addressing this need with a guy that has a high ceiling is fine with me. I am definitely scarred from Taco Charlton, so I didn’t jump out of my seat selecting a Michigain guy. I’m not fucking stupid, so I can separate the player from the school, but it still leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. It seems like we could’ve traded back with the Chiefs or Raiders, and to be honest I think i would have done that. If we somehow could’ve ended up with Joey Porter and Michael Mayer who slipped into the second round, I would’ve had to change my pants. Mazi didn’t quite make me wet myself, but I’m still excited ot see what he can add to the run D.
Round 2: Luke Schoonmaker
This is definitely my least favorite pick of the draft for us. From my research, this guy is a really good blocker and a good athlete with “receiving upside.” the problem is, he seems to be exactly the same as the other fucking white guys we already have. I know there seemed to be some medical issues with Darnell Washington, but I really would’ve preferred that. At least that guy is a freak of nature and provides something that no one we already have can do. This guy just doesn’t get me out of my chair. I feel like we panicked and took a positional need when all the TEs got scooped up out of nowhere. I would’ve preferred going with a DB like Tyrique Stevenson or Kelee Ringo. My ultimate preference would’ve been to trade up and get TCU Guard Steve Avila, but we don’t like being aggressive apparently. There was another solid guard in O’Cyrus Torrence still available too, but I guess we don’t care about the offensive line anymore. I just feel like there was a lot of talent left at this point, and we reached pretty fucking hard when we didn’t have to.
Round 3: DeMarvion Overshown
Quick analysis: cool name, bad school. I’m somewhat familiar with this guy’s game, being that I’m an OU fan. He’s a good athelte who can do several things, but doesn’t seem to have any ELITE skills. I’m OKAY with this pick, but definitely think we could’ve done better. Ringo and Adebawore were both on the board at this point. In fact, we had multiple chances to leave the draft with both of them and we passed. I’m sick. Texas players are usually dog shit and do absolutely nothing in the NFL. The “Arm Bandit” will look sick as fuck on the field, but I’m weary how much he’ll actually contribute.
Rounds 4-7: A lot of guys I’ve never heard of, and Deuce Vaughn
I’m not gonna pretend like I’ve sat and grinded the film of any of these guys. I haven’t heard of any of them except Deuce Deuce, so I’m not going to overly judge any of them. It’s pretty hard to find great players at this point in the draft, so at best I’m hoping for a few surprising contributors. I’m still pissed we didn’t go for Adebawore or Darnell Washington OR Kelee Ringo at this point. Like why the fuck not?? It makes sense to draft the best athletes/players from the best team. If the Georgia Dawgs have been dominating, why wouldn’t they at least be capable starters in the league? It makes me sick that the Eagles adopted this strategy and left with an incredible draft. Fuck you Philly, rot in piss.
I’m going to hold out hope for this class, but at this point they just don’t make my pickle wiggle. Plenty of “experts” have been wrong about classes before, so I’m hoping all the guys that are calling us “Losers” right now will eat their words. I still doubt eating all those words will be enough calories to get Mazi Smith-sized.
The Armchair Experts 
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