Last Minute Lakers vs. Warriors Bets

I’m beating the shot clock with this one. There is currently 5:17 left in the 4th quarter of Knicks-Heat but I will not be denying the people free money today. Last time I did this I hit 4/6. As long as you don’t (or do) parlay these picks you are GUARUNTEED to be a winner tonight.

AD Over 23.5 Points

• Unlike AD, I am extremely consistent. This guy has fucked me on the last two overs by a combined 1.5 points. Be fucking for real man. There’s no way I’m gonna fade the over now just for him to go nuclear. On the flip side, he has had two solid games in a row so we could be in for an all-time stinker. There’s also the chance that the Lakers just punt this game entirely so that would really throw a wrench into all my picks tonight. I’m used to AD pouring acid into my wallet at this point so why not let it burn a little longer.

Lebron Over 5.5 Asists

• I’m not gonna stop betting this until it bites me in the ass. Why are Lebron’s assist totals so fucking low? Even when he plays subpar the GOAT is a walking 27, 7, and 7. Maybe if this was 6.5 or 7 I’d be a little scared but 5.5 doesn’t even make my heart skip a beat. Not even a little whimper. In fact, the only reason my pace quickens is because it feels wrong to be robbing Vegas blind like this. I take that back, it never feels wrong to fuck Vegas. I’d Ocean’s 11 that entire city if I could.

Steph Curry Under 32.5 Points

• Yet again I ask why. By the SKIN of my TEETH we cashed this last time. We took under 31.5 while the guy landed on 31. I thought that bet was a dead cow pretty early on because Steph had a great game, but unsurprisingly couldn’t hit a shot in the final minutes. He is bound to do his annoying showboating shit at some point this series and go nuclear but to pay homage to the last bet, I feel I must give something back in return.

Well, I wanted to give out some more picks but unfortunaltely my dad called me to say some nice things. Ugh. I guess I’ll have to wait until next time. Jarred Vanderbilt just airballed a 3 and it looks like the Warriors are about to open the flood gates. Thank god I didn’t have enough time to pick the Lakers and look retarded. Guess we’ll be back for game 6.