Eastern Conference Finals Game 7 Bets

The Heat have officially blown it. I can’t believe this is where we are, but on Saturday night the Celtics tied the series 3-3 with one of the most ridiculous/bullshit game winners I’ve ever seen in my life. Jimmy didn’t show up AT ALL for game 6 until the very end, when he hit 3 clutch free throws to take a 1 point lead with 3 seconds left. I thought we had it. Next thing I know, Marcus Smart (one of the worst 3pt shooters ever) is jacking up a wild 3 that was this fucking close to going in, followed by a Derrick White putback as time expired. In real time, I thought there was no way that White got the putback in before the buzzer sounded. As in turns out, Jesus Christ himself is actively working against me and has cursed 2023 as the worst sports year of my life. The Celtics are about to complete the first 3-0 comeback in NBA history, while the Lakers got sent home in 4 games. I thought the Celtics would roll over and die like they always do, but here we are. I also forgot to mention that basically none of my picks hit in game 6, so that was just fucking great!

Jimmy Butler O.5 Threes Made

• If the Heat want to even keep this game CLOSE, Jimmy is going to have to not suck ass like he did last time. Twitter was getting damn close to calling playoff Jimmy a fraud, and it was hard to disagree with that 3-18 shooting performance. If the guy can’t make 1 three-pointer in a do-or-die game 7, we might have to reevaluate his ‘HIM’ status.

Marcus Smart U2.5 Threes Made

• Marcus Smart being one of the most reliable scorers in the series frustrates me to no end. I fucking hate Marcus Smart and think he’s one of the most overrated players in the league due to him being on the Celtics. He just had his first backtoback 20 point games of his playoff career. Are you KIDDING ME?? The guy has played in thousands of playoff games and he hasn’t had 20 point games back to back EVER? Of course he decides to do it now. The fucking guy better come back down to Earth tonight or I’ll be putting in a formal protest to the NBA to test this man for PEDs,

Jayson Tatum U31.5 Points

• I took this bet in game 6 and lost it by half a point. I just checked this guy’s recent box scores, and we sneakily have an Anthony Davis impersonator on our hands. He has been following and every-other-Day-tum path in recent playoff games. Of course, no one ever shits on this guy because he’s only 17 and a media darling. I’m still not a believer, he’s a glorified Paul George but he isn’t stuck in Indiana. Let’s see if he can follow up his last game 7 performance.

Boston -7.5 vs. Miami

• The only reason I’m taking this bet is in hopes that it curses the Celtics. to be honest, 7.5 is a lot more than I was expecting so they could easily not cover and still win, which is more than likely going to happen. Miami could keep it close, but if their moral is low enough a blowout is on the table.