A debate’s been floating around recently regarding potential statue-holders for the Miami Heat. Specifically, people don’t seem to think Lebron deserves a statue for bringing them 2 championships and 4 straight finals appearances. Setting that Ludacris perspective aside, I can think of someone who without question deserves a statue in South Beach: me.
I wrote a blog yesterday where I picked the Boston Celtics to cover 7.5 points at home in game 7. After I wrote said blog, I took to my local sportsbook to place a substantial amount of my savings on that bet. This is what they called “hedging” in business school. See, I knew that by placing enough money into an investment vehicle (the spread) I would only deal with two outcomes. Either I win at least 3 months’ rent and suffer prolonged emotional damage, OR I’d curse the Celtics with my bet bringing on an infinite amount of happiness (and financial ruin). Well, I’m happy to report that I am in fact happy and that I’ll now be moving back in with my parents. I’d gladly make that deal with the Devil every day of the week.
We were this close to Playoff Jimmy becoming an all-time joker and historic fraud. There was just no way I was going to let that happen. #HeatCulture has literally changed my life with its core principles of grit, determination, perseverance, and most importantly: going undrafted. I too went undrafted, which forced me into an existential crisis where I reflected on my self-worth and searched within to find where I belonged. As it turns out, I belong right in the heart of South Beach baby! As a lifelong Miami Heat fan for 2 months, this is one of the best weeks of my whole life. We are FINALS bound! And most importantly, we sent the second most appalling franchise in the NBA (fuck you Golden State Warriors) packing with an all-time ass-kicking on the national stage. We stared down blowing a 3-0 deficit right in the face and refused to blink.
I don’t know how much more Juju I’ll be able to conjure up for this final stretch. As I previously mentioned, my portfolio has diminished significantly within the last week so I’ll likely be counting on other methods of NBA Voodoo to will this team to victory one more time. Perhaps I’ll impersonate Jimmy in my own life for a week, maybe take a stroll down to Rachel Nichol’s humble abode. Or I could cut my hair like Duncan Robinson, then go to my local park and bombs away some bricks while counting down the seconds in my head. I’m a method actor, and it’s only a matter of time before I solve this crisis. I do know one thing though, with #HeatCulture at my back, there is no such thing as failure. The journey to a second statue continues NOW.
The Armchair Experts 
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