NBA Finals Game 2 Picks

Game 1 of the NBA Finals was an abject disaster. At least I got home after tipoff so I couldn’t throw away my monthly wages on some half-baked picks. For game 2 though, I’m baking these picks allll the way through. There’s actually a chance I burn them. I have no faith this series will get more entertaining than the shit-kicking we saw in game 1 so I guess we’re hoping for a miracle.

Jimmy Butler O.5 Threes Made

• If the line keeps staying at .5 I’m probably going to hammer this bet every game of the Finals. If Jimmy can’t make at least one Goddamn 3 point shot in every game of the series then Miami really is fucked and the brooms are coming out quick. He went 1-2 last game so I’m really gonna need him to start firing away a little more than two fucking shots from deep.

Aaron Gordon U.5 Threes Made

• Add this to the list of bets I’ll probably take every game. Aaron Gordon usually attempts 1 three-pointer per game. If this fucker ends up splashing that one attempt then so be it. He was dominating down low last game because Miami has a teeny-weeny roster so I’d like him to park his ass near the block for 48 mins.

Jamal Murray O26.5 Points

• I’m kind of surprised this line isn’t 42.5 points. I haven’t seen the guy miss a fucking shot in over a month. I swear to God if the one time I put money on him he turns into a pumpkin or regular Jamal Murray, he will be on my all-time hate list right next to Rudy Gobert. Fuck you Jamal Murray.

Bam Adebayo O32.5 Pts, Reb, Ast

• This cashed in like the first quarter last game. I think Bam basically needs to get to 20 points and it should be an easy W. The problem is, he has the Kentucky curse of being extremely inconsistent, especially offensively. Anthony Davis suffers from the same disease. I just hope it doesn’t infect Jamal Murray tonight of all nights.

Denver -8 vs. Miami

• This line really should be higher. Miami did exactly what I thought they would do last game: play like dogshit for 40 minutes and turn it on at some point in the 4th. I won’t be surprised at all if that happens again tonight, but if Denver has another massive lead by that point it won’t matter. They are a much better team with a lot less guys that didn’t get a good phone call on draft night. I won’t miss seeing this team on my TV when it’s all over. I hope the report per Buttcrack Sports is true and Jokic just retires after this series and goes horseback riding in Serbia for a couple years. We just need the West to be totally cleared up next year for King James.

I’m weirdly confident in my picks tonight, which makes me want to fade myself. I don’t want to overthink it though, always best to underthink. Tonight might actually decide whether or not I need to pick up a second job. OR it could pay for my next special dance with Tatiana next Saturday. Big things at stake tonight.