The dead season is really starting to get to me. We are 66 days out until the first OU football game of 2023. I’m trying to enjoy life and not rush the summer but God DAMNIT a brother is starving (sports wise, not horny wise). I miss football so much, and I’ve been going through serious withdrawals since the NBA ended. I know exactly how crack addicts feel- this shit is fucking terrible. I’m breaking out in hives everywhere and jump-scaring strangers in the dark alleys of highly populated neighborhoods. I’m tempted to actually pick up smoking crack as a way to pass the time. Just 66 more days. If it was 67 I’d already be browsing for pipes online. Let’s see if predicting every OU game this upcoming season is going to make the pain subside (or potentially make it worse).
Arkansas St. @ OU
- Let me start out by saying I think OU is an 8-4 team with a 10 win ceiling. We lost a lot of 1 score games last year, so hopefully we can catch the good luck side of that a few times this year. That being said, we are going to beat the everliving shit out of Arkansas St. These non-con games where all power 5 schools play a high-school week 1 is really lame and makes for boring football, but at least it’s something to kick the itch. If OU ever loses a game like this then just give us the fucking death penalty.
SMU @ OU
- This game could be a little interesting. The Ponies went 7-6 last year, so a very similar season to us. However, they do play in the American Conference so each win should really only count for half. Still, we can’t take this game lightly. We want to avoid a 2016 OU vs. Houston type situation.. I’ve heard the new QB has got some talent so BV better have the boys ready to go in Norman. I’m predicting a solid W.
OU @ Tulsa
- Nothing like a little in-state road test to get the juices flowing. The boys in Tulsa went 5-7 in 2022, and they’re far from a great program to begin with. If we were to lose this game it probably would cast a shadow over the 2023 season pretty early on. Even when we sucked ass last year, we still went 3-0 in non-con, so I’m expecting at least that this year. The Big 12 gaunlet is where I’ll have a couple days shaved off my life. The Sooners start out 3-0.
OU @ Cincinnati
- Poor Cincinnati. I just experienced a season right after a great coach leaves, so I’m not expecting these guys to be in tip top shape this year. They’ll also be trotting out Emory Jones at QB, and as a casual Florida supporter, that idea doesn’t scare me too much. Still, this is a serious road test against a Big 12 newcomer early in the season. This game is going to be a coin flip in my eyes. Due to it being early and on the road, I ‘ll give the Sooners an L here just for arguments sake. In my heart I feel like we can win this game but I’m doing what most humans can’t, and I’m taking bias out of the equation. I won’t apologize for being better than you. 3-1 now.
Iowa State @ OU
- Iowa St. and Kansas St. have been the kryptonite that we just can’t fucking avoid. Even when we get one of these fucking teams at home we’re not safe. I don’t know if we just take them likely, or the up and down nature of college teams just strikes us at the wrong time every year. I’m never going to say I’m confident going into a matchup with one of those two teams, but we did beat them last year. Thank God we get them in the palace, because if we were in Ames I might be marking an L right here. I’m going to trust that we defend our home turf really well this season. Solid bounce back from the sad sad L the week before @ Cincy. 4-1 heading into OU/TX.
Oklahoma vs. Texas
- The best rivalry in college football. Every year, no matter what, either side can win this game. It’s the definition of 50/50. We’ve seen dogshit Texas teams give great OU teams a serious run for their money. The bad blood just spills in the Red River and everyone gets a cut. There’s nothing I’d love more than to avenge the horrendous loss we suffered last year. Before any Texas fans start talking shit, just remember that we didn’t have a QB last year and ran the wildcat with a TE 85% of the game. Imagine the overflow of excuses we’d get from TU fans if that ever happened to them. I’m still not convinced that mullet-boy is the savior for those cowards anyway. I’m literally going to flip a virutal coin on my computer right now to determine who I think will be wearing the golden hat this year. Fuck. It landed on Texas. My heart will always believe we can win this game, even if we’re 0-5. Regardless, the coin has spoken and the Sooners are now 4-2. Fuck Texas.
UCF @ OU
- Derrick Leblanc homecoming revenge game? For those who don’t know, a 4-star DL recruit from the 22′ class transferred to UCF recently before every playing a snap for OU. The rumors were spilling that he wasn’t built with #OUDNA and couldn’t handle Schmitty’s summer workouts. I don’t know the actual reason but that definitley makes the guys still in the locker room sound a whole lot tuffer. I refuse to let Leblanc waltz back in to Norman and leave AGAIN with a W. Sooners joust away the Golden Knights to move to 5-2.
OU @ Kansas
- Oklahoma will literally never lose to Kansas, at home or on the road. 6-2.
OU @ OSU
- The final Bedlam. Last year this was probably our best victory. OSU only beats OU about once every 7 years. They got us in 2021 (which really sucked) but of course they couldn’t come through last year, even when we were ass. I don’t care that this game is back in Stillwater, under the blackest sky on Earth. We are going to win this game like we always do. There’s just no way that Bedlam is going to conclude with a Sooner’s L. We’ve dominated this series since the very beginning, and we’ll dominate until the very end. Sooners go 7-2.
West Virginia @ OU
- At this point in the season, the Sooners have some real momentum. Will we cash in and ride the wave? Or crash burn causing an uptick in mental health patients in tornado valley? I’m going to edge away from mental health issues and say we ride that mf wave baby. I think we can end the season undefeated at home, which would be huge. I’ve never feared a mountaineer and I’m not gonna start now. We’re staring 8-2 down the barrel- and we’re not fucking blinking.
OU @ BYU
- Fuck, our weakness: Mormons. The only mascot I truly fear in the Big 12. I’ve witnessed the stormin Mormons first hand and they are truly terrifying. They get rowdy and loud in the most humane and respectful way possible. It makes me sick. Do you know how hard it is to get pissed at a crowd that won’t even curse at you? We receive all of the intimidation but can’t muster up the hate. They’ve truly put us in a spin cycle. No way OU wins this one on the road, and we drop to 8-3 😦 (lowkey we might win though)
TCU @ OU
- The final game of the season are the pathetic frauds from 2022. Even by this point in the season, the horny toads might still be in the ICU from the worldstar smackdown the entire country witnessed in the national championship a few months ago. Every TCU player secretly has the Georgia logo tramp stamped right on their ass. I have 100% confidence that they will not be anywhere NEAR as good this year and will return to the dusty-ass average program that they always are. They should have made like the French and surrendered during that game. The program might never recover.
By my count, the Sooners are going to finish 9-3 on the season. I’m usually pretty spot on with these things so we might as well just lock it down now. I will absolutley take 9-3, that’s some serious improvement from last year, and will only make our recruiting stronger. It’s convenient too because the Big 12 has a lot in common with Draymond Green this year: wide open. I’m hoping the 9-3 record I just set it stone is enough to get us in the title game. It sure would be nice to end our farewell tour on top where we belong. I don’t know if the nation can handle another purple on purple Big 12 Championship. Get the good ole boys back in there. 66 more days…
The Armchair Experts 
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