What can we expect from the Indianapolis Colts in 2023? That’s what I’m here to tell you. I can guarantee lots of cocaine, alchohol, and sexual escorts for the owner, Jim Irsay. Still not sure what that means for the team on the field, but I can almost guarantee you they won’t be as exciting as that. With a new rookie QB, we can certainly expect a lot of ups and downs. Let’s make like Jim Irsay and just dive right in.
Let’s start with the elephant in the room: Anthony Richardson. What the fuck are we even gonna get from this guy? He’s pretty much the most athletic quarterback of all time based on his physical profile, but is he actually good at the sport? He was consistently inconsistent at Florida and was drafted based on the flashes of greatness he would show from time to time. Still, it’s hard for me to believe that a guy is going to be a great NFL QB when he didn’t even achieve that in college. The only guy this has ever worked out for is Josh Allen, and he belongs to a much more stable organization to say the least. The owner of his team didn’t take to Twitter about drafting a 2nd QB just to create competition/drama. He’s also working for a first time head coach with no elite weapons. Sure he has JT, but I’m not a huge fan of their WRs, starting with Michael Pittman. We’ve seen over and over how much young QBs benefit from having that one elite target on the outside. Until that day comes, I think we can expect a LOT of ugly errors from Richardson, mixed in with enough flash to keep us teased up. Hope it works out.
I mentioned previously how the Colts will be riding with another rookie in Head Coach, Shane Steichen. While he is objectively the less weird guy from the Eagles assistants that just got promotions, I’m still not sold. I’m pretty sure I could come up with an effective offense that had AJ Brown, Devonta Smith, an elite OL, and mobile QB. You could basically just implement any Madden playbook with lots of slants, streaks, and QB draws. At least he didn’t shoot finger guns and squeak out “pew pew” at his new guys.
As for the Colts defense, I think we can expect a bunch of mid-to-ass. Dallas fleeced Stephon Gilmore right out from under these guys, so that’s an instant negative for them and major bonus for me. They do have a few playmakers in DeForest Buckner (sick name) and Shaq/Darius Leonard. They’re honestly just pretty young right now, and that’s usually a recipe for a defense to suck dick. They’re gonna need a lot more experience and grit before they start making some waves.
What does rookie QB + rookie HC + young defense + cracked-out owner get you? For starters, probably not a lot of Ws. I don’t think they’ll come in last in the division simply because they aren’t cursed with the same bad luck of the Houston Texans. That franchise stinks like a fart in a hot car, and Indy has a ways to go before the stink reaches eye-watering level. I’ll tune in every now and then just to see Anthony Richardson make either badass or moronic plays. I will NOT be drafting Jonathan Taylor in fantasy this year so that takes away about 90% of the reason to watch this team. Regardless, you should listen to me to know exactly how to feel about this team.
2023 Record: 5-12
3rd Place in AFC South
The Armchair Experts 
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