New Yawkkkkkkkkkk. I debated whether or not to even do this team, since Hard Knocks has officially decided to do it for me. I can’t think of a better candidate than the Jets for this year’s show. There’s no way we don’t get some quality content from the #GangGreen. The quarterback room alone should produce some content gold. We’ve got Zach Wilson trying to fuck everyone’s mom and Aaron Rodgers lacing everyone’s meal prep with ayahuasca. I don’t doubt there will be several practices where we look into that man’s eyes and instantly know that he is in another place. Regardless, Hard Knocks is the first warning sign that football is BACK, so I can’t fucking wait.
The Jets are a very polarizing team this year. They’ve finally managed to put together a very talented roster, but clearly didn’t have the missing piece last year: a quarterback. Zach Wilson managed to be one of the worst QBs in NFL history. His only redeeming quality is his pipe-laying ability, specifcally on older women. Perhaps if we replaced his WR core with the cast of Milf Manor he might have been able to hit shots on target. Nevertheless, the Jets now have the bane of my existence, Aaron Rodgers. I think we saw a little regression from my mortal enemy last season, but I have to imagine he’ll still be miles above what the Jets were throwing out last year. He managed to bring all the weapons that he complained about in Green Bay with him but now gets Garrett Willson as a bonus. Unless Rodgers decides he hates this WR just for being young (per usual), GW is gonna have a MONSTER year. He’s been a stud his whole life an somehow managed to put up 1,100 recieving yards as a rookie with a pornstar slinging him the rock. I don’t even wanna think about what his ceiling could be this year.
The Jets offense should also be celebrating the return of RB Breece Hall. He is coming off a torn ACL, so I won’t be surprised at all if he starts off the year pretty slow. Rumors have been swirling that FA RB Dalvin Cook might find his way to the concrete jungle soon. Daddy Rodgers gets what he wants I guess. He’s been bossing around the Jets front office since he was still in Green Bay. Good riddance.
The Jets will also be deploying a very young and talented defense this year. For once, they finally nailed they’re draft picks and have a couple young studs in Quinnen Williams and Sauce Gardner. Sauce Gardner is younger than me and is currently locking down the NFL’s best at WR and a multi-millionaire. Obviously not as cool as me writing this blog in my dingy over-priced apartment but hey congrats to the boy I guess. With defensive “guru” Robert Salah manning the helm, there’s no reason the Jets shouldn’t push for a top 3 defense this season (unless he’s a fraud). I like Salah, but there’s just something about guys with extra shiny bald heads that I don’t trust. If I have to shield my eyes from the glare when the camera pans to your coach on the sideline that’s an immediate red flag for me. Still, the jury has not yet decided what they think of Salah.
The Jets have all the makings of a super bowl contender, which means that Aaron Rodgers will do his damndest to derail this train. I don’t how many drugs it’s going to take, but there is a breaking point where this season goes horribly wrong for team Green. Hard Knocks is kind of a curse anyways, so pairing that with the QB’s drug addiction and the HC’s shiny ass head is a recipe for disaster. Let’s also not forget that the division is absolutely loaded this year, and there is literally no chance I’ll be trusting the Jets to pull it off. At the end of the day, the Jets are still the Jets and I will never trust them. I bet they’ll be involved in plenty of exciting games that lead to an epic, drama-filled season that leaves us feeling empty. Ironically their season kind of sounds like how a drugs function, and I don’t doubt Aaron Rodgers will be snorting every bit he can get his hands on. I certainly will not be rooting for him. At least Zach Wilson is making his life Hell in practice right now.
2023 Record: 10-7
3rd Place in AFC East
The Armchair Experts 
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