It’s time to talk about one of my least favorite franchises in the league: The Pittsburgh Steelers. As a Cowboys fan, it would be against my moral code to have any positive thoughts about the Steelers. The only compliment I’ll ever give them is that when we play them they provide an elite uniform matchup. This team is so fucking boring. They have boring players, run a boring scheme, and continue to employ a disgusting Big 10 brand of football. I will never understand how they have any fans, especially considering who they employed at QB for 18 years, what a standup guy he was! Now they’ve moved on to Kenny Kitten Mittens and the future is up in the air. Will Kenny and his tiny hands turn the Steelers back into a respectable team?
The Steelers offense could actually be semi-interesting this year. They have a few weapons on offense that will definitely get people excited just based on name value. I’m pretty sure that some of them are actually overrated as Hell but don’t tell Steelers fans that. Diontae Johnson is a good but not great WR in my opinion. I much prefer the OG George Pickens. It’s hard to argue against a physical freak that also puts out quality Twitter content. Then we have Najee Harris, a total volume merchant who is allergic to efficiency. He’s yet another prime example that an offensive line controls the run game way more than the RB. I’ll forget the clip of him horribly failing to get past 1 linebacker for a potential huge gain. I think you could even argue that the WR2 (Pickens) and RB2 (Jaylen Warren) are actually better than the perceived top dawgs on the team. Another boring analysis here but their success is basically just gonna come down to Captain Kitten Mittens. If his tiny hands can grip the ball and sling it downfield effectively then they might actually be pretty solid. Of course, there’s always the chance that Mike Tomlin wants to “run it down their fuckin throat” and throws the season away with that stone-age philosophy. Keep it up Mike!
As with the Ravens, I’m sure the Steelers will send out a pretty solid defensive unit this year. “Bad Steelers Defense” is an oxymoron. They’ve got dudes like Minkah Fitzpatrick and and perennial DPOY candidate TJ Watt. Having two studs of that caliber makes things pretty easy. They also got a major steal in this year’s draft when they snagged CB Joey Porter Jr. in the 2nd round. They have a lot of talent and a defensive minded head coach. I’m no mathematician but I’m pretty sure that equation = nice D (no homo).
Oh well, another AFC North team off the books. I’m so thankful to almost be done with this cold lifeless divison. Thank goodness I saved the Bengals for last, at least they have some electric weapons that makes my pickly wiggle a little bit. I can say for certain that the Steelers have never once made my blood flow down there. I’ll be praying on your downfall all season Pittsburgh.
2023 Record: 7-10
Last place in AFC North
The Armchair Experts 
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