Here we go with another franchise I despise: the Atlanta Falcons. I’ve filed many grievances with this franchise over the years for various crimes against my well-being. First, they wanted to blow a 28-3 lead in the super bowl to that kid-kissing freak Tom Brady with the biggest choke in modern sports history. Nowadays they’re trying to ruin the career of one of the most promising receiving prospects ever in Kyle Pitts. No Chin Arthur Smith is doing his best to keep 1940s football alive by running the ball on every single play. I laughed my ass off when they took a running back with the 7th overall pick. Why would they be interested in elite defensive talent like Jalen Carter when Bijan Robinson can help them run smashmouth football to go 4-13 every single year? Clearly their front office is lightyears ahead of everyone else. Damn the mountain of evidence against taking first-round running backs! Smashmouth football is here to stay!
As a semi-Florida Gators fan and Kyle Pitts fantasy owner/enthusiast, what Arthur Smith did to that man last season should be punishable by death. How can you best utilize the best tight-end prospect ever with unlimited receiving upside? You turn him into an extra left tackle and pidgeon-hole him into a role that doesn’t match his skillset whatsover. That’s the Arthur Smith guide to getting the most out of your guys and their chins. Maybe it wouldn’t have mattered anyway, because the 3 times a game they actually sent Kyle Pitts on a route Marcus Mariota would sail the football right over his head. I’ll never forget the night he tried to throw a forward pass while his face and body were level with the ground. Please, the entire NFL was begging you to find a replacement Arthur but you were too busy having absolutely no chin to even try. I highly doubt Desmond Ridder is going to be a huge upgrade but literally anything would be nice. They even have Drake London who proved to have elite talent in his rookie season. I guess Atlanta has some fucked up addiction where they love taking excellent pass catchers and then flushing their entire careers down the toilet just to piss off the entire fantasy community. We’ve heard your message loud and clear ATL, and we will fuck your franchise into a coma on Twitter if you don’t stop this madness immediately.
I’d like to speak on the Falcons defense but if I’m being totally honest I really know nothing about them. I guess I’ve been too focused on being pissed off about their offensive failures to even remember that they still have 11 other guys on the other side of the ball. I know they have former Clemson DB AJ Terrell because they stupidly picked him 1 pick before CeeDee Lamb in the 2020 NFL Draft. I guess that’s the one time the Falcon’s incompetence greatly benefited my well-being. Having your favorite player fall right into your lap is a damn good feeling. Anyways, from doing a little research in seems like the Falcons defense is expected to be okay this year? Again, does anyone really know or care? I know Grady Jarrett is a solid interior defender from playing Madden but these other guys I’m reading about like Lorenzo Carter and Eddie Goldman I got no clue. Those guys have the most Chicago Bears names I’ve ever heard in my life, not sure what they’re doing in Atlanta. I think that’s more than enough time spent wasted on thinking about the Falcon’s defense for one day.
Not only do I have to watch the Falcons ruin young players lives, I have to watch them do it in some of the ugliest uniforms I’ve ever seen. If only the Falcons had elite throwbacks that could put them at the top of the style rankings every single week… No. Instead I have to look at some ridiculous red-to-black faded shit with ugly ass matte Helmets. I’m here to officially declare that as long as ATL is wearing those rat-piss uniforms, they will never win a playoff game ever. I’m so sick of this minimalistic bullshit these rebrands keep trotting out. All the historical NFL logos/uniforms were 10x better than the garbage we’re getting now and no one will put a stop to it. If I have to be the one to lead that stampede, so be it. Wear your throwbacks every week or rest in piss Atlanta Falcons. If you’re going to suck, at least do it in style.
The Armchair Experts 
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