Unfortunately for the state of Michigan, the Lions have been the bottom feeders of the NFL since pretty much forever. I cannot remember a single good season from them (except last year) in over 20 years of living. They’ve managed to throw away all-time great talents like Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson with pretty much 0 playoff success during their tenures. Then they waste about 15 years of Matthew Stafford before he goes and wins a Super Bowl right after they shipped him out of town. It really is incredible what you can accomplish when you wash the Detroit stink off of you. Instant success.
The Lions somehow managed to surpass expectations and actually be pretty solid last year… at least on offense. Dan Campbell is winning the hearts of red blooded Americans everywhere one tear at a time. Young hotshot offensive coordinator Ben Johnson was able to whip Ryan Gosling I mean Jared Goff back into a serviceable quarterback with an overdose of playaction passes. Weapons like Amon-Ra St. Brown and David Montgomery and Jamhyr Gibbs will hopefully make them even more dynamic this season. ASRB is kind of a slot merchant but he racks up a shit ton of catches just by being open so he’s awesome for fantasy football. Both Gibbs and Montgomery should be upgrades over their RBs from last year. It’s not hard to believe the Lions success once you know they have arguably the best offensive line in the NFL. Who would’ve thought that dominating in the trenches would lead to good results? I don’t think there’s ever been a team in history with a great OL that didn’t win a lot of games. I cannot believe more teams don’t invest so much more into that unit. Fucking morons, I could run an NFL franchise with my eyes closed.
The Lions defense… that unit might need some work. Part of the problem is they seem to have whiffed on Jeff Okudak when they took him with the 3rd overall pick, yikes. They already sent him packing to Atlanta and now he’s a dirty bird. The good news is they seemed to have hit on #2 overall pick Aiden Hutchinson. He posted a solid 9.5 sacks in his rookie season and hopefully he can continue on that trajectory. Even if the rest of their defense is kind of meh, having an elite pass rusher is a spectacular asset for the front seven. If they manage not to be in the bottom tier of the NFL defensively, maybe we are actually looking at a pretty good squad in 2023.
I like the Lions. History has been raining shit and misery on them since the day they were born. I feel for their fans and want them to enjoy the little bit of hope they’ve been feeling this offseason. Everything is set up so perfectly for them. They retained their staff, added some talent, and play in a weak division. To the public, this says success but to me, it screams disaster. This is the LIONS we’re talking about- they are going to fuck it up somehow. I don’t know how it will happen, but I just know that it will. Goff will turn back into a pumpkin or their entire roster will come down with smallpox or something. It’s just how it works for these guys. I hope I’m wrong but I’ll be checking in on the second best silver and blue team all season long.
2023 Record: 8-9
2nd Place in NFC North
The Armchair Experts 
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