SKOL, SKOL, SKOL. Who doesn’t love themselves some good ole Minnesota Vikings? This team never hurt anybody (except for you New Orleans). Kirk Cousins approval rating has absolutely skyrocketed the last few years due to him being a genuinely corny dad-like figure. He’s not the Russell Wilson “try to be Future” type corny though it seems pretty natural for him to be awkward and normal. Even though it’s impossible for him to win a primetime football game, he might actually be kind of underrated when you go back and look at his stats. He’s absolutely an above-average quarterback at this point. Let’s see how Mr. Cousins and the Vikes fair in 2023 below.
Speaking of the Vikings offense, they just so happen to have the most exciting player in the league. It’s been 3 years and I am not exagerrating when I say Justin Jefferson is on pace to be the greatest WR in NFL history. He’s WAY out in front for receiving yards to start a career with no signs of slowing down. He’s cracked 1600 yards in back2back seasons and if he does it again he’ll play only player in NFL history to do it 3 fucking times. That’s absolutely nuts. As a proud Jjettas fantasy owner I can assure you that I am rooting heavily for that outcome once again. The Vikings passing offense should be no joke this season. They traded for TJ Hockenson midseason last year then drafted stud WR Jordan Addison in the first round. Those additions + cutting Dalvin Cook makes me think HC Kevin O’Connel is gearing up to never ever run the ball this season, which I respect. He’s bringing the Mike Leach offense to the NFL with the muthafuckin Air Raid baby. I’ve been saying running the ball is for WW2 Veterans for years now. That shit should be left in history. When you have receiving talent like these guys and only Alexander God damn Mattison in the backfield then it really shouldn’t even be a debate. Let Kirk slang that shit and go for 50 touchdowns this season Kevin. I believe in you.
The problem with the Vikings last year was the defense… if you can even call it that. They started the year blazing hot with a great record but EVERYONE knew they were frauds. Every W seemed like pure luck and it would’ve been clear to Stevie Wonder that their stroke of good luck wasn’t gonna last. They were toward the bottom of the league last year in total defense and to be honest I don’t see much changing in 2023. I’ve been sitting here for 5 minutes and the only Vikings defensive player I can think of is Anthony Barr and he hasn’t been on the team in like 4 years. I guess they do have Zadarius Smith (?) and Danielle Hunter who is an actual stud but he never plays. Clearly those two fucks weren’t enough to carry the whole squad this year so I’m not sure what’s supposed to change unless they hired Kirby Smart as the DC when I wasn’t looking. At least he’d have an entire locker room full of NFL players convinced they couldn’t even make a high school JV team.
Picking another WR in the first-round is such a Fuck You to the defense that it’s hilarious. Kevin OC better be hoping for another Minneapolis Miracle because that’s the only way they’re gonna be making waves in the playoffs. They’d also have to cut Kirko Chains because again, he can’t win for shit in primetime. I mean these guys lost to Daniel Jones in the playoffs for Christ’s sake. That might as well be the eternal kiss of death for your franchise. I know there’s no way I’d ever recover if the Cowboys did that. Thankfully Dak has never lost to that $250M substitute teacher. Regardless, good luck to Kirko and the boys this season. I’ll never have a reason to hate you because you’re literally incapable of doing something that could hurt me. Time to griddy.
2023 Record: 10-7
1st Place in NFC North
The Armchair Experts 
Leave a comment