My stomach is turning over in sickness even thinking about writing this article. I’m going to have to keep it short in order to preserve my own mental sanity. The Eagles are the dirtiest, most despicable franchise in the entire world and even the thought of praising them in any way makes me want to die. I’d rather have 10,000 rats eat me to death over 48 gruesome hours than watch this team win another fucking super bowl, or have any type of success for that matter. Let’s dig into their hopefully unsuccesful season.
Obviously I’m writing this blog after week 1 has already happened, so I know the Eagles beat the Patriots. The good news is that they didn’t do it in very dominant fashion. Now, the biggest mistake you can make is overreact to week 1 because it’s always wild. However, I do feel like the Eagles showed some things that I believe to be true. For one- Jalen Hurts is the most overrated QB in the league. I don’t think the guy sucks (anymore), but he’s nowhere near the top 5 like the media pundits have been proclaiming him to be. I guess we should just ignore the first 2 years of him being ass. It’s a shock what happens to a QB when playing behind an elite OL and throwing to AJ Brown and Devonta Smith. If there’s one thing I can’t fault the Eagles for, it’s acquiring elite talent (gross). I can still fault the players for choosing to play for those disgusting fans though. They should all boycott the franchise and get them banned from the league.
Speaking of elite talent, how the fuck did the NFL allow Philly to draft Jalen fucking Carter right after being in the Super Bowl? It feels fucking illegal Roger, you should have stepped in and done something about it you COWARD. While the Eagles did have a great defense on paper last year, they still got tore up by anyone with a decent QB. Dallas’ very own Dakota Prescott put 40 on their dumbass later in the season, thus proving that we would’ve beat them in the playoffs had SF not cheated the round before. That’s another thing: how does no one EVER mention the Eagles’ overrated ass playoff run? They literally beat the pathetic Giants and a team without a QB to make the Bowl. I don’t understand why the media sucks the skin off the Eagle’s cocks but it’s just non-stop with these dirty birds. Do birds even have cocks?
I fully expect the Eagles to take a step back this year, but they’re roster is still better than the trash bowl teams at the bottom of the NFC East. I’m already sick thinking about another year of Jalen Hurts MVP discourse and Super Bowl predictions. God help us all if that happens. Praying that they look as bad as they did against New England allllll year long. Fuck you Philly.
2023 Record: 10-7
2nd Place in NFC East
The Armchair Experts 
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