I guess the NFL season hasn’t officially started until my beloved Cowboys ruin my fucking Sunday for the first time. What a shitshow this fucking game was. Through 2 weeks, Dallas had been nothing but excellent outscoring the New Jersey teams 70-10. Arizona meanwhile had been organizing the Caleb Williams tank-a-thon and seemed primed to finish first there. Despite close games with the Giants and Commies they found a way to blow it in the second half (like they should). Of course, that trend comes to a screeching halt as soon as Dallas rolls into town. 3-0 will never be achieved and happiness continues to elude me.
Let’s start with the defense: what the FUCK man?? I know we got some devastating news this week with Trevon Diggs tearing his ACL in practice (kill me), but I didn’t expect that to turn our run defense into cottage cheese. Josh Dobbs and James Conner looked like Lamar and Bo Jackson running all over us. I expected Diggs to take us down a notch but I definitely did not think he had a Darrell Revis level impact where we’d just control over half the fucking field. I can only hope it was just a shock to our systems or we seriously underestimated Arizona in our preparation. Not a single player played well for their standards, not even Micah. He did have a big sack at one point but for most of the game he was pretty ineffective. Boys better not come out like that again or we’re gonna be in for a longggggg season.
Week 3 also became the week where are dumb fucking fat head coach and his dumb fucking fat play calls bit us right in the ass. These play calling issues were honestly apparent in weeks 1 and 2 also but it didn’t matter because we were shit pumping our opponents on D. I guess we do a decent job moving the ball up and down the field, but we get into SO many 3rd downs. Mike absolutely loves running the ball for 1-2 yards on 1st and 2nd down then relying on Dak or someone to bail us out on 3rd. It’s a disgusting way to call plays and will most definitely lead to a plethora of pathetic drives for us this year. Then, if we manage to make it inside the red zone, we COMPLETELY fall apart. I don’t have the data in front of me because I’m not a nerd, but I think we had 5 red zone trips and managed to score 6 points in the second half. Come on Mike. There are 12-year-olds with Madden playbooks that could easily top that margin. Maybe he just gets hungry again by the time we make it to the redzone, and his play sheet just turns into a menu. I’ll work on photoshopping that like the Andy Reid meme (also fat, but actually good at calling plays).
Also, as a noted Dak defender, YES, I’m aware the pick at the end was bad. Obviously, he shouldn’t throw the fucking ball into triple coverage and the fact that he did it in a “crucial” moment (aka just late in the game) made it chum for the Twitter sharks. Even so, there was very little chance to win the game at that point anyway. We were down 12 points, but I guess Mike just wanted us to take our sweet fucking time and be “methodical” down the field that drive. You cannot waste FOUR fucking minutes just running the ball down 2 scores in the 4th. Even if we had scored, we would’ve had to get a stop (lol), burn all 3 timeouts, and then go get another touchdown. I highly doubt we would’ve been able to punch in yet another touchdown while trying to establish the run late in the fourth, but whatever. I guess Dak is the worst QB in the entire world and we would’ve been better off with Cooper Rush. That’s the kind of week I’ll be enduring from the media.
I really hope this isn’t a sign of things to come. Clearly, we are cursed with the Diggs injury happening in practice for no reason. This team is still talented enough though to make a deep playoff run unless we just get depleted by injuries everywhere else too. If we flame out again because of bad play calling and penalties (forgot to mention we had 12 of those in the FIRST HALF), I’ll be calling for Mike’s head. I already kind of fucking hate him for his outdated philosophy and fat face but I never get want I want. It must be nice to have a coach like Mike McDaniel who just wants to score from anywhere on the field and drop 70 on everyone. I forgot that Kellen Moore was an idiot for wanting to “light up the scoreboard.” Well congratulations Mike, we are certainly doing what you wanted scoring 16 hard-earned blue-collar points! Huge day.
The Armchair Experts 
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