As a proud American citizen I like to consider myself an American Patriot, but I certainly didn’t feel like one today as I was too busy watching the Cowboys stick their foots up their ass. True Americans root for the one and only America’s Team and that was proven on a new level today. Poor Billy Belichick sufferred the wort loss of his entire career today and I couldn’t be more proud. That angry toad Tom Brady meat-riding motherfucker just got served 4 quarters of Fuck You Football.
The defense proudly returned to form today. New Englad was held to just 3 weak-ass points during this ass beating. Daron Bland was working on his Tre Diggs impersonation all afternoon and I must say he was doing a mighty fine job. Two interceptions on the day and one returned for a pick-6. MaCorkle Jones couldn’t help but throw across his body and DB the DB had to put him in his place. Fun fact: every time Dallas has played Mac Jones we’ve gotten a pick-6 against him (shoutout Diggs again). The Tackling Dutchman Vander Esch got a lil scoop n score action after a strip sack by Dante Fowler. Not sure why we just went limp dick against Arizona last week but I guess I’ll chalk it up to being shell-shocked by the Diggs injury. I was a little concerned today watching Micah Parsons limp around the field for a while. He clearly was not himself in the 2nd half even though 50% of Micah Parsons is still better than most of the league. I couldn’t tell exactly if he tweaked his ankle or his knee but I’m hoping we shoot him up with some super juice this week and get him ready for the SF 49ers next week on SNF.
Dak looked pretty sharp in this game, although the offense is still leaving a lot to be desired, specifically in the red zone. I don’t know how he’s doing it but Mike McDumbass just continues to fuck it up once we cross the 20s. It’s hard to place blame on any one single person as it seems to be a combination of issues that screw us over. Sometimes Dak doesn’t run when he should, we never seem to target WRs down there, sometimes we run the ball WAY too much, and sometimes we just have bad play design that gets us sacked. This game was almost exactly like the first 2 weeks so it didn’t bite us in the ass but eventually against good teams it will. Mike knows this is a problem and still is doing nothing to fix it. Can’t say I’m surprised considering the whole fat situation, he’s probably had that thought for 30 years. I just wish we would utilize Bradin Cooks and Ceedee Lamb more in the crucial moments. Why the fuck do we only target our slow ass tight-ends in the RZ? It’s not a coincidence that CD found the endzone on his one big target today- you’re best players are going to make the best plays. Sometimes we just overthink things way too much with this game.
Regardless, I’m happy with the solid W today. It’s not often you hand one of the GOAT coaches their biggest L ever (only happened today actually). I sure did enjoy seeing his old crusty sad face walk across the field in misery after the game. I don’t think he’ll be getting any sucky sucky from his fiance this Sunday evening (probably still will). Congratulations to you Bill, I guess you’re still winning in some aspects of life.
The Armchair Experts 
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