I’m just gonna have to pretend that Thursday Night didn’t happen. Calvin Ridley Over 80 yards might be one of the worse picks of my career after he had 1 catch for 5 yards. Derek Carr has proven he’s one of the worst QBs in the NFL and also one of the most obnoxious and annoying. Sailing a pass 15 yards out of bounds and then screaming at Chris Olave for “giving up on the route” is peak Derek Carr. Fuck you Derek, you cowardly checkdown merchant. Time for me to make a few rage-fueled picks and bounce back today.
Raiders -2.5 @ Chicago
- The last time I picked the Raiders they barely came through on a lucky safety against NE. I can’t tell you how not good it feels to pick them at road favorites, but there’s just no way Tyson Bagnet can win an NFL game. Jimmy G is out and I’m hoping and praying they play Aidan O’Connell over Bryan Hoyer. Just lean on that run game and hope Bagnet doesn’t complete some lucky long-bomb bullshit.
Miami +3 @ Philly
- This is without a doubt a heart-over-head pick. Fuck the Eagles, I will never pick them and I hope Miami kicks their teeth in. The Eagles are vulnerable in the secondary and I’d love nothing more than to see Tyreek Hill scurry around back there for like 4 TDs. Another 3 int week from Jalen Hurts would be pretty epic too but I have a feeling he goes ultra conservative to overcompensate for last week. America NEEDS Miami to beat these motherfuckers on primetime SNF.
LA Chargers ML (+220) @ Kansas City
- Rule #1 in life: never bet on the Chargers. I’ve decided it’s just time to break all the rules on this Sunday. I just don’t believe in KC’s offense with the current weapons. They still have Pat Mahomes and the Chargers secondary is ass so if they go up early this could be an easy cover for them, but I’m here to live on the wild side. Scared money don’t make money and today Brandon Staley is holding all my cards.
Bills -7.5 @ New England
- 7.5 points is a pretty big spread on the road, but it’s hard not to be confident in this one. There is a solid chance Buffalo only needs to score 8 points to hit this cover. McCorkle Jones and the Pats put out the most pathetic display of offensive ability week after week and there’s no way I trust them to keep this close. As long as we don’t get a classic Josh Allen dick-around game then we’re set.
Lamar Jackson 300+ alt passing yards (+750)
- The odds are just too good to pass up on this one. Ravens vs. Lions has a chance to pop off and if that happens you’re gonna want everyone’s over. The Ravens have played 0 good QBs so the Lions should be able to score points. I’m not convinced Detroit has an elite defense all of a sudden either- the Ravens just need to stop fucking up. They are so Jekyll and Hyde it’s so frustrating to watch. Lamar has a few nuclear games a year so we just need to hope we’re catching him on the right week.
I feel a lot better about these picks than I did my Thursday ones. It’s too bad the Saints don’t play again today because now I know to just hammer the over on Alvin Kamara’s receptions every week. Good thing I’ve adopted the no-checkdown rule and will only bet on QBs who throw piss-missles down the field like mf MEN. Tua, Lamar, Josh Allen, Aidan OC, Justin Herbert will certainly not let me down today. Let’s have a Sunday.
The Armchair Experts 
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