Thursday Night Football is just the fucking worst. The Bears and the Panthers?? Are you fucking SERIOUS? The Bears have been on my TV during primetime too many times this season. Football is arguably the best thing in the entire world and they do their damndest to make me hate it. Justin Fields still isn’t cleared so we don’t even have one exciting run to look forward to sandwiched in between 4 quarters of ass. Maybe Tyson Bagel will at least throw some hilarious interceptions tonight to keep the viewers occupied. Let’s look at some disgusting bets that I’ll hate myself for placing.
Tyson Bagent to throw an interception (-166)
- Why not right? I’m honestly surprised the odds aren’t worse on this which is why I’m willing to jump on it. It will be too painful to root for good things to happen in this game so we all must pivot and root for the bad. Don’t let me down Tyson!
Bryce Young to also throw an interception (-140)
- I believed in Bryce coming out of college but it’s not looking good this season. I’m not writing him off by any means because he’s in a shit situation but that means interceptions are a’comin. He threw 2 pick-sixes last week so I’ll be disappointed if he doesn’t follow that up with another masterclass.
Chuba Hubbard O40.5 rushing yards (-110)
- I’m grasping for fucking straws here. I’m assuming Frank Reich will try to keep it on the ground after Bryce’s mishaps last week so this is purely a volume play. I don’t think Chuba is all that good and neither is the Panther’s OL or play calling. That said we might as well just have something to root for here.
Most Rushing + Receiving Yards of the Game: Adam Thielen (+430) and DJ Moore (+650)
- I’m not 100% sure why the odds are so juiced on these two, I guess because only one player can with this? Regardless it makes me feel comfortable taking the top 2 WRs in this matchup. If by some miracle someone’s passing attack gets going it almost has to be through one of these two cats. Hopefully if one of them actually cashes it will almost pay for all the other bets I’m prepared to lose tonight (possible DJ Moore revenge game as well).
Chicago Bears -3 (-120) vs. Carolina
- Nobody who I pick I’m going to feel absolutely shitty about it. I’m honeslty not sure the Bears can be trusted to beat anyone by 3 points, even the worse team in the league. As I’m writing this I’m realizing I really want to change my pick to the Panthers. I’m not going to do that because I ain’t no coward but fuck this is an awful pick. Please do not tail me on this one, this is truly embarassing from me. Pretty much praying on another multi pick-6 game from the rookie Bryce Young to put points on the board tonight. Bear Down Chicago let’s do this.
This is one of those Thursday games where you should feel comfortable taking the wife out to dinner or something. Maybe spend some time with your kids or start a project you’ve always wanted to work on. Only the true sickos are gonna sit and focus on this game for 3+ hours. Count me in as one of those Sickos, let’s do this.
The Armchair Experts 
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