NFL Divisional Saturday Picks

It’s officially Divisional Round weekend. My heart is still in pieces after the ultimate Cowboys letdown and Mike McCarthy retention news but I must continue to press on. There aren’t many people in this world as tough as me anymore. Shoutout to myself for displaying extreme bravery and courage this past week. Let’s focus on the other picks.

Baltimore Ravens -9.5 vs. Houston

• Per Bill Simmon’s gambling manifesto: don’t bet an underdog spread unless you think they can win (they can’t) and beware of the team that looked to great in round 1. Lamar is here to take some ass and there’s no way the Texans dominante AGAIN in round 2. Lamar poop game incoming.

San Francisco -10 vs. Green Bay

• Read the previous paragraph and understand the gambling manifesto rules apply to this game as well. Fuck Green Bay for what they did to us last week, and in 2016 and 2014. Actually fuck San Francisco too for what they’ve done the last 3 years. I wish both teams could lose this game, I hate them equally as much these days.

CJ Stroud to throw an interception (-158)

• CJ has notoriously not thrown many picks this season but I can see it so clearly today. The Ravens defense is the best in the league and they’re gonna rattle the rookie early. All the Texans fans will be surprised when this happens and I will laugh at them. Little brother franchise.

CJ Stroud O235.5 Passing Yards

• This is a garbage time stat. I think the Ravens will take the lead early and hold it most of the game. The bigger the lead gets the softer the defense will play and we love that for passing overs because it’s free yards. Don’t let his statline fool you at the end of this one.

Those are all the plays for today. I can’t bring myself to place money on either the Niners or Packers because that would mean I have a vested interest in one of those team’s success. I hate them with all of my heart, and I pray neither will be the NFC representative in the super bowl Today, it’s Raven’s Flock let’s fly.