Category: NFL
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Chicago Bears FLEECE the Carolina Panthers
Big news taking over the NFL world today. The Chicago Bears did the unthinkable and actually traded away the #1 pick to the Carolina Panthers. Let’s break it down. D.J. Moore is an absolute fucking beast, excellent job by the front office. The trio of Moore, Claypool (fuck Claypool), and Mooney is pretty damn solid.…
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Stefon Diggs to the Cowboys?
After our brutal defeat at the hands of the 49ers this postseason, I took a few moments to pray, and reflect on my life as a Cowboys fan. Well, “ask and you shall receive,” said God- our prayers have been answered. The rumor mill is blowing at 100 mph right now and it’s showing no…
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Anthony Richardson is Combine GOAT
I think we have a new #1 overall pick. This weekend, Anthony Richardson showed why he deserves to have his name called off the board first in this year’s draft. He broke the combine record for vertical with 40.5″ and tied the broad jump record of 10’9″. Wow! If there are two things I want…
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Super Bowl Review
CRY EAGLES CRYYYYYYYYYYYY. FUCK YOU NICK SIRIANNI, YOU DESERVE To LOSE COWARD!!! What joy I had last night watching Phillydelphia dreams fall apart in real-time. It’s even sweeter that they lost on a “controversial” holding call leaving them feeling robbed. They’ll forever be wondering what their offense could’ve done with the ball, and I’ll forever…
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Super Bowl Preview
Anyone with a brain knows that once football starts in the fall, Sunday becomes the de-facto best day of the week. Once that happens, we spend 20 weeks building up to the ultimate Sunday: The Super Bowl. Sadly this year, like every year, my beloved Dallas Cowboys will not be playing in the Big Game.…
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Sean Payton to Broncos, Demeco Ryans to Texans
It is officially coach-poach season. It happens every year, I get to watch franchises who just suffered demoralizing seasons do their best to pivot and finally find the coach who will carry them to the promise land. Sean Payton’s face has been slapped on my Twitter feed for months now. Lots of rumors about him…
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Cowboys vs. Communists Game Review
It’s a sad day it’s a bad day. Today the Dallas Cowboys lost 26-6 to the Washington Communists. I will remember January 8th, 2023 as a no good very bad Sunday. From start to finish, everything just went completely wrong. And then, in the afternoon, the Cowboys made it worse by pissing down their leg…
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I Have Won my Fantasy Football Championship
That’s right baby. The job is finally finished. According to the ESPN Fantasy App, my beloved fantasy football franchise: Team FuckChris (Chris is a douchebag) has claimed their spot atop the Armchair Experts Fantasy Football League (AEFFL). TeamFuckChris defeated the Q’Anon Shamen after the life-threatening injury to Damar Hamlin took place in the Bills-Bengals game…
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Cowboys vs. Titans Game Review
Another Thursday Night Showdown for the ages. Jeff Bezos and his legion of Amazons have managed to make Thursday Night Football a must-watch program every single week. And then I woke up. I love the Cowboys, but I knew we were doomed for disappointment as soon as I checked my fantasy app and saw CeedeeGOAT…
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Cowboys vs. Eagles Game Review
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA God damn, there is nothing I love better than watching those stupid fucking Eagles cry cry cry. Hotshot “genius” coach Dick Siracha has had my blood boiling all season with his remarkably cunt-like demeanor. Has there ever been a coach with a more punchable face? Mike McCarthy can make a case every time we…
The Armchair Experts 