Category: FOOTBALL
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Sean Payton to Broncos, Demeco Ryans to Texans
It is officially coach-poach season. It happens every year, I get to watch franchises who just suffered demoralizing seasons do their best to pivot and finally find the coach who will carry them to the promise land. Sean Payton’s face has been slapped on my Twitter feed for months now. Lots of rumors about him…
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National Championship Recap
Georgia vs. TCU is the 2022 College Football National Championship match. I am writing this blog with 7:34 left in the 3rd quarter. It’s 45-7. I fucking hate TCU, but even I didn’t want to see them go out like this. Everybody doubted them all year, only for them to “shock the world” when they…
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Cowboys vs. Communists Game Review
It’s a sad day it’s a bad day. Today the Dallas Cowboys lost 26-6 to the Washington Communists. I will remember January 8th, 2023 as a no good very bad Sunday. From start to finish, everything just went completely wrong. And then, in the afternoon, the Cowboys made it worse by pissing down their leg…
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I Have Won my Fantasy Football Championship
That’s right baby. The job is finally finished. According to the ESPN Fantasy App, my beloved fantasy football franchise: Team FuckChris (Chris is a douchebag) has claimed their spot atop the Armchair Experts Fantasy Football League (AEFFL). TeamFuckChris defeated the Q’Anon Shamen after the life-threatening injury to Damar Hamlin took place in the Bills-Bengals game…
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Cowboys vs. Titans Game Review
Another Thursday Night Showdown for the ages. Jeff Bezos and his legion of Amazons have managed to make Thursday Night Football a must-watch program every single week. And then I woke up. I love the Cowboys, but I knew we were doomed for disappointment as soon as I checked my fantasy app and saw CeedeeGOAT…
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Cowboys vs. Eagles Game Review
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA God damn, there is nothing I love better than watching those stupid fucking Eagles cry cry cry. Hotshot “genius” coach Dick Siracha has had my blood boiling all season with his remarkably cunt-like demeanor. Has there ever been a coach with a more punchable face? Mike McCarthy can make a case every time we…
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The Greatest NFL Team of NBA Players
A lot of people seem to think that NBA players are a bunch of Hollywood diva pussies. I’m here to let you know that’s completely fucking false. With painstaking effort, I have constructed a perfect modern NFL team using only players from the NBA. I have no doubt this team would easily go 17-0 and…
The Armchair Experts 