A couple of weeks ago I watched the Sixers pull their cocks out and piss all over the Memphis Grizzlies on national TV. That inspired me to write this incredibly well-thought-out blog that I then forgot to post. So, can the Sixers overcome their demons and finally make it to the Finals?
Let’s find out.
First, we have James Harden. His esophagus closing comes playoff time and is well documented. A big run this season could do tremendous things for his legacy. He doesn’t have a ring, and it’s really the only thing missing for him now. He’s already got the MVP, scoring title, and many other accomplishments. He’s one of the best regular-season players ever, and it would be fun for me to see all the people who shit on him for his playstyle eat crow. I think the key to preventing this Horseman from destroying the team is that Philadelphia should have a city-wide shutdown of all strip clubs and recording studios. Lil Baby should not be allowed to enter the city either. They need ot do everything they can to ensure James is fully focused on the playoff run.
The next Horseman is Joel Embiid’s body. He’s not there yet, but he’s getting close to being on the All NBA unreliable first team. From the way his career started, it felt like he’d be in the unreliable Hall of Fame, so downgrading to first team is actually a huge win. Nevertheless, it always seems like he breaks down at the worst time. This guy is so fucking good, it doesn’t make sense why he’s never even made an ECF yet. He’s one of the most dominating players in the league, and I have to believe he’11 breakthrough at some point. Perhaps the solution here is to just wrap him in bubble wrap until the playoffs start. Just make sure he stays away from Patrick Beverly, Draymond Green, and Kelly Olynyk.
Doc Rivers is a loser and a fraud coming up as the third Horseman. I swear, this guy has been living off his 2008 Celtics reputation for his entire career. They have got to be the most annoying NBA champion of all time I guess it gets milked so much because it’s Boston but Jesus Christ, eventually it has to end. At this point, Doc Rivers has to be the most overrated coach in the league. Every single one of his teams underachieves. It feels like people have started to notice, and if he fails again this year, the Doc Clock might start ticking.
Our fourth and final horseman of the Sixes Apocalypse: The city of Philadelphia’s inability to win an actual title. At least in this case, the Sixers might actually make the Finals! However, it appears that city is cursed. The Phillies and Eagles both choked in the final round (thank God). If they complete the trifecta this year, they will officially be crowned *Almost-Title Town.” Losing the title in all 3 major sports would be quite the feat. It’s honestly more impressive than just winning 1 of those titles or something. I don’t know shit about hockey but if the Flyers are good and could make them 4/4 that’d be insane.
I think the universe is trying to tell us something with this one. Most Philly fans (including the children apparently) are absolute scum bags. Maybe if you guys just had any type of decency, the universe would reward you with a title. It’s not that fucking hard. Just don’t verbally and physically assault fans from the other team. Fix that minor issue and some good things might come your way. Karma is a bitch, and that’s a bitch you don’t want to swing on in the fourth quarter Of a close game.
Good luck Sixers. I don’t hate you guys like I hate the Eagles, and I root for both Embiid and Harden. It’d be fun to see those guys win a title, but the Four Horseman stand in the way. Can they overcome them? Probably not, but that doesn’t mean they should quit! The Process has led to this moment, don’t let Hinkie down.
The Armchair Experts 
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