Unfortunately it’s time to evaluate everyone’s favorite dynasty, the New England Tom Brady’s. Only this time, the golden mascot boy is no longer with us. Are we sad? No we are not. His reign of bullshit luck and terror is finally over in the National Football League. While he’s been away from the Patriots for a few years now, his haunting impact that he left on the league will last forever. Let’s see what his decaying remains left behind.
Mac Jones has been the successor to TB12. He’s pretty much the Kendall Roy to Tom’s Logan Roy. Nowhere near as good as the original but all the same DNA. Unathletic, embarassing shirtless photos, and white as hell. So far those are the only things Mac n Cheese has with the goat. I haven’t personally been impressed by what I’ve seen. It’s a little unfair because he’s had AWFUL weapons and perhaps the worst offensive coordinator of all time. It actually might be offensive to even call Matt Patricia an offensive coordinator (double offensive). I’ve never seen a man more addicted to a limp dick passing attack. He needed screen passes like Delonte West needed crack (and Lebron’s mom). He was so strung out on the short passing game that even all-american Mac Jones had to give him a serious piece of his mind. I doubt many QBs would look fantastic in that spot so he gets 36% of a pass for now. We’ll hold out final judgement for when he was a WR that’s worth a fuck (aka not Juju), but I still don’t see the elite traits.
For the first time in human history, the Patriots actually had a great first round pick. They selected Christian Gonzalez out of Oregon, and he’s got all the buzz in the world this offseason. I’m expecting him to be an absolute stud this year, and anchor a strong secondary. I can’t name more than 3 players on the Pats defense, but that’s how you know they’re gonna be great. The Belicheck special is taking 11 no-names and turning them into Super Bowl caliber defenders. After a great year they’ll all get big contracts from other teams and turn right back into dust. That’s the Patriot way.
Honestly I’m just kind of expecting another season of mid from these folks. All the do is play smart, sound, fundamental football. It makes me sick. I absolutely hate watching Patriot’s games, they are just all so fucking boring. When the most exciting player on your team is a rookie cornerback, that’s how you know you’re in for a tough watch. They’ll be so disgustingly mediocre just they have been every year without Tom Brady. Thank God this isn’t my team,- not even worth the 6 super bowls
2023 Record: 8-9
Last Place in AFC East
The Armchair Experts 
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