Category: Uncategorized

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    Pittsburgh Steelers Season Preview

    It’s time to talk about one of my least favorite franchises in the league: The Pittsburgh Steelers. As a Cowboys fan, it would be against my moral code to have any positive thoughts about the Steelers. The only compliment I’ll ever give them is that when we play them they provide an elite uniform matchup.…

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    Baltimore Ravens Season Preview

    Nevermore, said the Raven. The Baltimore Ravens, the blue-collar crew of the NFL. I don’t know how it happened but the AFC North somehow adopted the Big 10 mindset of football which is ground and pound/never throw the fucking ball. Normally that outdated style is quite boring to watch but thankfully Baltimore weaponizes star running…

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    Cleveland Browns Season Preview

    My name is Cleveland Brownnnn, and I am proud to beeeeeee. The NFL’s ugliest franchise has somehow managed to be semi-relevant for the last 5 or so years. It all started when they drafted Baker Mayfield back in 2018. That pick certainly looked good for a while, but once it went downhill it fell apart…

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    New York Jets Season Preview

    New Yawkkkkkkkkkk. I debated whether or not to even do this team, since Hard Knocks has officially decided to do it for me. I can’t think of a better candidate than the Jets for this year’s show. There’s no way we don’t get some quality content from the #GangGreen. The quarterback room alone should produce…

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    Miami Dolphins Season Preview

    Pitbull’s favorite football team had a pretty solid 2022. They unveiled first-time head coach and notorious stoner-boy, Mike McDaniel, to the world for the first time. For the most part he did not disappoint as the Dolphins deployed one of the most explosive offenses in the NFL. There were some inconsistincies along the way, but…

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    Buffalo Bills Season Preview

    Wheels up, it’s time to start circling those wagons. The NFL’s cinderella story is back for 2023 and I’m here to put those glass shoes on Josh Allen’s feet. It will be hard to predict what we have in store for the Bills this year. Thankfully, I am no coward, and bravely step up to…

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    Victor Wembanyama Summer League Debut Reaction

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. What the FUCK was that???? I don’t want to exaggerate, but that was easily the worst performance/debut I’ve ever seen from a #1 overall pick in my LIFE. The combination of no bag, bricked shots, and limp dick body language was enough to make me cringe my ass off tonight. It was seriously hard…

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    Jacksonville Jaguars Season Preview

    Jacksonville, Sacksonville, Wacksonville, I’m not sure which approach to use with the 2023 Jags. From the day of my inception, I don’t think there has been an NFL team that I have watched less than the Jacksonville Jaguars. I’m not 100% why, but it’s likely a combination of them never being on TV, being ass,…

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    Indianapolis Colts Season Preview

    What can we expect from the Indianapolis Colts in 2023? That’s what I’m here to tell you. I can guarantee lots of cocaine, alchohol, and sexual escorts for the owner, Jim Irsay. Still not sure what that means for the team on the field, but I can almost guarantee you they won’t be as exciting…

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    Houston Texans Season Preview

    Ah, the Houston Texans. One of the NFL’s most beloved and popular franchises. We’ve seen nothing but success from these warm-bodied Texans ever since their inception back in 1999-2000. 23 years of pure dominance. Why should we expect anything different this season? I know everyone was laughing at that criminally sarcastic opening, but we all…